We've been in a series on our identity and image. As I have waded through different books and authors on this subject as well as gone to Scripture to understand how God has created us and his giving of worth I am amazed at what I find in myself. I know in my head that my worth, ambition and purpose can all be found and defined when I look at God and realize my place as his child. It is a beautiful picture! To know that nothing can take that image which he gave me when he created me.
And yet, I find that so often I buy into an image that is formed by performance, acceptance, accomplishment, popularity, ability, etc. I live a life, and also project a life onto others where I find my worth in what I can accomplish or in having others appreciate me. Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with wanting to accomplish worthwhile tasks and to have people appreciate my efforts, but when they control me, when I am deflated or elated based on my perception of how well I accomplish these tasks I find that I really have no need to hear the voice of God.
Instead my life has ebb and flow based on my accomplishments and accolades, and it's all dependent upon me. So I can take the credit for my successes and I suffer the great failures when I don't meet the expectations of myself or of those from whom I desire confirmation. And eventually I find that there is never a time when simply being able to rest in who I am is possible. I have to always be ready to do the next great project, to receive the acclaim, and the cycle repeats.
What I am beginning to realize, even if only in small doses, is that when I can find that I am blessed and loved, that I'm met with God's grace and patience while I'm in process of being transformed, I experience peace. It is a place that I am enjoying more and more. I find that I am more concerned about my audience being God than the audience of those around me who I previously allowed to have more influence than they deserve to paint me and give me worth. I can do and be all that I can be, giving my best effort to those things I've been called to do, but in the end all I can give is my best and whether I'm always understood or praised, there is great fulfillment and peace which I find in God's love being enough.
I have a long way to go in order to live in this reality at all times. I still get defensive and irritated, hurt and overly concerned by others opinions, but there are those moments when I really feel the passion of Christ in who he's made me. And that is the place I want to live.
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